Self-doubt.
It is an ugly thing, isn’t it? It takes us from confident
and trusting in God’s plan to feeling overwhelmed and yucky about ourselves.
Yesterday, I had a really fantastic meeting with someone
about a potential ministry opportunity. During the meeting, I was excited. I
felt good about God’s direction for my life. I got a wonderful compliment from
someone I very much admire. I smiled the whole way home.
But then, as I sat on my couch last night, all of those icky
feelings started to creep in.
What if I fail?
What if I’m not good enough? Godly enough? Sin-free enough?
What if I struggle and people call me a hypocrite?
The funny thing is, I’ve been feeling called to go a certain
direction for months. God has given me these awesome affirmations that He is
pulling me this way. And yet, when self-doubt creeps in, guess what I want to
do first?
I want to override God’s plan. I don’t want to even pursue
the opportunity. I start to question Him because fundamentally, I feel like I’m
not good enough. I’m too flawed. That nasty voice says I’ll fail.
I know I’m not the only one. I know that some of you will be
called to be on the worship team, but doubt about your musical skills or your
faith will leave you paralyzed and saying no.
There will be some called to start a new outreach ministry,
but doubt about your leadership and organizational skills will force you to
stop the ministry before you even start.
So, those of you who are struck and struggling with
self-doubt, here is what is helping me today.
First, you have to learn to identify the difference between
the promptings of the Holy Spirit and the lies of self-doubt.
I’ve learned to embrace the prompting and gentle convictions
of the Holy Spirit over the past few years. It’s not always comfortable, but it
helps me to know if I’m going the right direction.
However, sometimes when I start struggling with self-doubt,
I wonder, is this from God? Is he trying to tell me something?
No! Today, I’m making
sure I identify the difference between the Holy Spirit’s prompting and my own
awful negative self-talk. I believe that the Holy Spirit does sometimes leave
me questioning, “Did I do the right thing?” or “Am I acting in a way that’s
holy?” I feel awkward, but then I reflect on His word, make sure to remedy the
situation, and I feel better.
Self-doubt is different. It knocks over me like a big, mean bully.
It’s what I’m struggling with this morning, where I’m stuck questioning myself
over and over: “Who do you think you are? Are you good enough?” It makes my
stomach hurt and I feel sick. It leaves me feeling helpless and worthless.
Instead of getting stuck in that negative self-talk cycle
and assuming it’s a “sign” that I’m not making the right decision, I need to
remind myself that those horrible feelings aren’t from the Holy Spirit, and
that there are three helpful things to remember that help me defeat my
self-doubt.
1. God loves
me and I am His child. There are numerous verses that talk about being a
child of God. I especially love John 3:1a: “See what great love the Father has
lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we
are!”
As a mother, when my children make mistakes or mess up, I don’t hate
them, I simply want them to make good decisions. I want to discipline them so
that in the future, they ask themselves, “Am I doing the right thing?” Occasionally,
after getting in trouble, my daughter will say things like, “I’m awful, I’m a
screw-up.” That is the worst! It breaks
my heart. I don’t want her to criticize herself, I just want her to be more
aware of her behaviors!
I imagine that God, as a perfect father, who loves us and created us so
beautifully, cringes when He sees us stuck and criticizing and berating
ourselves. Remembering that I am His beloved child brings me comfort.
2. These awful
feelings are not the truth. My husband often says that Satan doesn’t always
have to destroy opportunities. All he has to do is whisper in your ear, “You aren’t
good enough, who are you to think you can do this?” and if those feelings of
self-doubt are strong enough, we will actively stop doing God’s will for our
life. We say, “No thanks, God. I’m just going to mess this up, so why bother?”
In John 8:44b (NIV), Jesus talked about the devil. He warned those around
him that Satan, “was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth,
for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for
he is a liar and the father of lies.”
Those feelings of self-doubt that have us questioning God and ourselves
are not truth. They are lies from Satan, who delights in seeing us run away
from God’s will. When I start feeling like I’m not “Christian” or “holy” enough
to follow God’s plan for my life, I have to remind myself those feelings are
not valid.
3. I can
defeat self-doubt by leaning on God’s strength. When I doubt myself, I feel
overwhelmed. I feel weak. I feel weary from fighting those negative thoughts. I
feel too tired to follow His plan.
However, I love that Isaiah 40:29-31 (NIV) says: “He gives strength to
the weary, and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and
weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will
renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and
not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
So instead of viewing this self-doubt as a “sign” to give up, view it as
an opportunity to lean on God and receive His strength. He loves us and He will strengthen and guide us, even when
we don’t feel good or strong enough.
The
best part is that when I lean on God, He won’t just help me limp pathetically through
this life. He will strengthen me to the point where I can “soar on wings like
eagles.” That is a powerful image. Enough to help me tell Satan that sure, I
may not be “good” enough, but with God’s incredible love and power, “I can do
all this through Him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13, NIV).
So banish that self-doubt and trust in Him. I know I’ll be
repeating these verses throughout the day, and I hope you all who are struggling
with self-doubt will as well!
~ Hilary
Thank you SO much for such a perceptive and healing post. Rhonda
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