As I was driving home last night, after a long, but
satisfying day at work, I was reflecting on as Christians, how do we truly help
others?
I think people within the church often feel at a loss about
how to help each other. Sure, we know that bringing a meal to a new mom or
helping on church clean-up day is great, but over the years, I’ve noticed that
we still lack that personal connection that is the most important part of
helping others.
This isn’t a criticism of the church. I understand it. So
many people want to help, they want to connect, but they don’t know how.
They are too busy.
They are afraid to be nosy.
They worry they will say the “wrong” thing or won’t know
what to say at all.
So we drop off meals and scoot out quickly, or we decide that
if we can’t host in a perfectly decorated house, we’ll invite people over next
time.
And yet, there are so many people in the church that are still
hurting. That all of the meals in the world cannot help. I cannot tell you how
many Christians come to counseling, admitting they have a church family, but
are still struggling with feeling isolated and alone.
I’ve learned over the years that people often feel like
counseling is this elusive, complicated process. And yes, while I’ve had a lot
of training over the years, the core of my job is simple. It revolves around…
Love.
Being there for people.
Undivided attention.
Research shows that approximately 40% of client change is
related to the quality of the counseling relationship. This means that I can
have all of the techniques in the world or a perfectly designed counseling
office, but if I don’t have a quality, caring relationship with my client, they
are less likely to change.
We have such a disconnected culture right now. We can talk
to our childhood friends on Facebook and follow celebrities on Instagram, but
we have lonely, isolated children and lonely, isolated adults. I believe that
while some of my clients are there due to significant issues (addiction, mental
health, grief), some are merely overwhelmed and don’t feel like they have
anyone to talk to about things.
I’ve found that in order to help, I don’t need to buy people
things, renovate their house or spend every waking moment with them. Often, it
is simply sitting with someone once a week, in their moment of grief or sadness
and simply telling them, “I care about you, and I know you can do this.”I used to struggle with knowing what it meant to “help” as a Christian. What was my role? How could I most effectively follow Galatians 6:9: “Let us not become weary of doing good” in the midst of my busy life?
In counseling, it is spending time with my clients, listening,
paying attention to them and being their cheerleader.
In my church, it’s checking in with people I know who are
struggling. It’s answering the phone after dinner when an upset parent has questions.
It’s about taking ten extra minutes after the service to listen to someone who’s
struggling with their marriage.
Jesus is such a perfect example of the balance between “doing”
and “being.” Jesus wasn’t passive. He traveled all over Israel, healing
people, performing miracles, and feeding those who were hungry. However, he
wasn’t always “doing.” There are several accounts of time where Jesus simply
sat with people, and loved them. Luke 10:38-42 illustrates this:
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a
village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister
called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha
was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and
asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by
myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are
worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only
one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Are you the Martha in life? “Distracted by all the
preparations that had to be made.” Are you stuck racing around, trying to work
in twelve church ministries, being the perfect Christian neighbor, baking
sixteen dozen cookies for others? Or are you following Jesus’ example and
sitting with those you care about, listening and spending time with them?
I love that Jesus wasn’t rushing around, doing tons of
miracles, worrying about how clean his robe looked like, or how many people
were at the house.
Instead, he was sitting and talking with Mary. Quietly,
calmly, and I’m sure, helping her to feel cared about and loved. Jesus
traveled and did many life-changing things, but some of his most powerful
teaching moments were times where He simply sat with his disciples and friends,
ate with them, and spoke peace and love into their lives.
What about you? Are you embracing the power of sitting with
those who are struggling in your church and listening to them? Or are you so
busy on a Sunday, that when someone has that broken look in their eyes, you
give them a brief hug and run off, instead of asking them, “How are you doing?”
and listening to their struggles.
I’m all for serving. I serve in multiple areas of my church,
I’ve made meals, I’ve helped at church events. But if you find that you are so
busy rushing around, distracted by preparations, to the point where you can’t
just simply “be” with those in need, those whose marriages are crumbling, those
kids who are anxious or broken, or the new mom who has meals in her freezer,
but feels isolated and alone, remember, even Jesus had those quiet moments
where He sat, listened and loved those around Him.
If we as a church listened and loved like that, I’m sure
that eventually I would work myself out of a job! So while it is important to
be serving and doing, please find the time to listen, to mentor, to hold
someone’s hand while they cry.
What about you guys? Do you agree? Is being unsure of how to helps others something you’ve struggled with?
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